I'm not going to go into detail but 2011 was the absolute worst year of my entire life bar none. It's hard to reflect upon it because of how absolutely horrid it was.
The only good I can say about the year is that it made me progress as a person more than I have in the course of 10 years. I got jobs that make great income, I made the decision to move to Florida, with hardly any support from family and friends I did it all by myself, I drove across the country by myself, learned countless new things about being an independent person. I lived in a small room with fleas biting me all over for a month and went out and found an apartment by myself.
Pretty much in the course of a few months I went from living at home with my parents, not knowing how to even do my own laundry to living across the country and supporting myself alone.
Alone... that's been the real kicker. I'm so alone guys, I know I have the support of all of my fans, and I do not ignore you guys in the least, but I would like real life friends to spend time with, to hang out with and go to movies with, play games at my apartment.
I have never in my entire life been this alone, been this lonely. Christmas day was misery, worst christmas of my life.
My biggest enemy is simply myself, I haven't been happy in a long, long time, I've struggled with depression pretty much my entire life and it affects everything, it hinders so much and pushes many people away. Despite my many accomplishments I tend to ignore it all and just focus on all of the bad, my mind tends to have self destructive behaviors.
No more.
I've missed out on a lot of life because of it, this move to Florida was the biggest step of my life, I'm not any happier, hardly. But it's a step.
2012 cannot be any worse than 2011, that's for certain. I have recognized and identified my many shortcomings and I am taking the steps to change them.
I really think 2012 is the year my life takes a turn for the better.
Thank you all for your constant support and love, I get a lot (and I mean A LOT) of hate on youtube anymore and it will always bother me, but I absolutely adore the close group of fans that continue to support me.
I promise you, but mostly I promise myself, next Christmas, next new year I will be surrounded by friends and loved ones and I will not be this alone again.
What did you guys do for new years? I spent it here in the apartment watching mythbusters in my underwear.
I browsed Reddit. all day... and played some skyrim
ReplyDeleteI hung with my best friend at her house. I also hope the best for you this new year. Good luck to you and all you do!
ReplyDeleteRight now I'm watching Tate's BF3 livestream. For once I'm glad to have a quiet New Year's. Well, not counting Tate's screaming anyways lol.
ReplyDeletewell at least yur stepping out of the negative light for a change.
ReplyDeleteand as for my New Year, i spent it watching "Whose Line is it Anyway?"
Happy New Year, Austin.
had a lan party at my place with some battlefield and cod mw sessions. i Hope 2012 brings you all the best it can give you Austin.
ReplyDeleteI know, from your blog entries, that things were rough for you in 2011. But if you ever reflect on the year 2011, try to remember any good times you had, anything at all. Even the smallest things, if they make you happy.
ReplyDeleteI know 2011 wasn't the best year for me either, but I still had some good times. I'm going to try to think about them. The bad times will still pop up in my head from time to time, I know that because I'm not exactly optimistic. The worst parts of my life will just come into my thoughts, no matter what.
I hope 2012 treats you better Austin, I really do. Just remember, whenever you feel down, you have millions of fans out there who love you. Of course you'll have haters too, but doesn't everyone?
I actually worked for most of the night. Then I came home, and stuffed my face with cookies that my dad made. Happy New Years! :P
Hard to believe that someone like you with the fame and fans you have is feeling alot like I have for some part of this last year as well. Maybe not in every way but depression can hit anyone no matter where they come from and what they have. Hope you meet some awesome people in Florida. I find it cool you live one state away from me.
ReplyDeleteForgive me for getting religious on you but you are fearfully and wonderfully made by God. He has something great waiting on you I'm sure and it will be worth it in the end.
As for what i did for new years, I slept. Woke up almost an hour into the new year with stuffy nose and chapped lips. YAy new year.
I babysitted my niece and nephew :D I also watched Mythbusters. XD (Not in my underwear though)
ReplyDeleteI've missed out on so many episodes :( gonna have to find them on the interwebz and catch up.
When I got home, I started playing Skyrim for a couple of hours. (Still playing it :D)
Not to sound rude Kilplix but will you upload your full playthrough of Skyrim to YouTube. Because from what I've been able to watch of your Playthrough so far it's hilarious.
happy new years to you too
ReplyDeleteI watched Mr. Popper's Penguins with the parents, played some Minecraft and animated for a few hours in flash.
ReplyDeleteI know life has really been tough for you this past year Austin. But for us to see how you've picked yourself back up after every setback no matter how big or small it was shows just how much resolve you have. I personally know just how much depression can ruin you whether it be heartbreak or even (in my past case with severe arthritis) pain. I know it really sucks, it feels like you just want to curl and die when it's that bad. But overcoming these troubles in life only makes us stronger inside, but it takes someone even stronger to overcome those hard times with little to no help like you did. You can get through this Austin. 2012 WILL be better and with Tate going to be around shortly your life will get back on track.
Have a safe and Happy New Year. Hang in there man.
I just sat and eat pizza while watching You've been framed on TV, same as I've done for the past 3 years.
ReplyDeleteHope 2012 is a good one for you Austin.
Happy New Years, Austin! I stayed at my best friends house, watching tv shows, while did some drawing on my laptop.
ReplyDeleteI have been watching you and your adventures for a while now, Austin, and I have to say, there have been alot of up and downs that it's practically like a roller coaster. It really does suck that you have been going through so much problems this year, but it really inspires me to see you're still going forward to whatever makes you happy. This year, actually, was a really hard year for me too. The girl of my dreams rejected me, many questions on regrets, and someone I knew passed away. College entering to its 4th semester, and as a career motive, I wonder usually if I can make it out well enough into the art world, or just end up on the streets. But whenever I read or watch your videos, it brings comfort to my life. You inspire me to push forward, you help bring alittle more light into my life.
Cheers to the new year, Austin!
Don't worry Austin,
ReplyDeleteI didn't had a good year myself. My brothers dog had to be slept in, he was such a sweet dog too.
I then all of a sudden had a brain tumor in my head just before new year removed, still recovering at home. Dont get yourself down or else you'll just sink in deeper
I had a crappy New Years.I wasn't feeling well,they brought me to a house that served bad tasting food,and when I went to go watch the fireworks the location was so bad I missed almost all of it.
ReplyDeleteI wanted to stay home but ehh...
meh may dad came back early from a trip from another state and i had to help him out on Everquest (yeah i have a dad whos a fan still :3) but its nice having people around when you've been alone for christmas and then i slept yeah the best why the welcome a new year sleeping the first moments of it XD
ReplyDelete2011's been a bad year for everyone. :/ As for my new years I pretty much spent it in City of Heroes since I don't really have any real life friends myself currently.
ReplyDeleteI spent most of my Christmas playing Dead Island, or being with family. Then the next couple of days I played some more Dead Island and Red Dead Redemption. Hope 2012 is a lot better for you Austin, never give up hope and never let the hate stop you from doing what you love (Merry Christmas and Happy New Year a little late)
ReplyDeleteI'm sure if you'd let them, your fans in Florida will hang out with you and be your friends. Heck, I live in New York but if you gave us an address and a time where we could all meet up and hang out with you I'd make a trip down.
ReplyDeleteComing from a fan of 4 years, all I have to say is have a Happy New Year and I hope things get better for you, Austin.
ReplyDeleteHey Austin, just remember bro, take baby steps don't do quantum leaps, moving to Florida was the right idea but taking big leaps like that can't be good for ya, you said yourself that Christmas was lonely, anyway the jist of this comment is to say keep working at it, just don't over estimate yourself.
ReplyDeleteWith care and support my friend.
The most difficult thing to do in life is keep moving forward when it knocks you down. You have exemplified this most awe-inspiring trait this year. Hat's off to you good sir may the coming year bring you nothing but joy.
ReplyDeleteI graduated from high school and now I'm looking for a job and follow my life with my own money. 2012 will surely be better than 2011.
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing, man. Hope things get better. Congrats on moving out and doing your own thing. Good luck and kick ass! I don't post much on your videos but I love your channel.
ReplyDeleteyou go man you have our support
ReplyDeleteI hope you will be better in next year so good luck and i hope you can solve those problems with your apartment))))
ReplyDeleteStay strong honestly. What I can recommend is to find fans that live near you. It may be the only best method to find friends right now.
ReplyDeleteStay strong Austin.
P.S. the moment you may read this message, I wired $50 to help you out. It's not much, but its the least I can for you.
Hey, Austin.
ReplyDeleteMy 2011 wasn't much better either. The girl I loved for 4 years died on me, I'm broke, and I have no idea whatsoever what I want to do with my life. What's worse is that I am being shunned by my loved ones for not wishing to sink further into debt with college.
But it wasn't all for naught--I found some true passions, a girl who loves me more than anybody did, and I found my true philosophies. Life is to be lived for one's happiness, not one's success--even though the two correlate for most.
My New Year's was boring as crap; spent it at a boring party with acquaintances when I'd rather be playing video games.
The point is, though, to stick through with life. If you find yourself, you've won life's game. I'm glad you took those steps and ventured on by yourself. A breath of fresh air gives hope for a different life.
I know what you mean Austin. i have been dealing with the same thing with depression and having no friends on the real world yet.. But just wait and the time will come, it has come for me since i moved from my old place to this new place. Don't worry you'll get some friends just wait and see. Go out to the beaches when it heats up, since Florida is the best place for fun.
ReplyDelete