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Saturday, December 31, 2011
2012
I'm not going to go into detail but 2011 was the absolute worst year of my entire life bar none. It's hard to reflect upon it because of how absolutely horrid it was.
The only good I can say about the year is that it made me progress as a person more than I have in the course of 10 years. I got jobs that make great income, I made the decision to move to Florida, with hardly any support from family and friends I did it all by myself, I drove across the country by myself, learned countless new things about being an independent person. I lived in a small room with fleas biting me all over for a month and went out and found an apartment by myself.
Pretty much in the course of a few months I went from living at home with my parents, not knowing how to even do my own laundry to living across the country and supporting myself alone.
Alone... that's been the real kicker. I'm so alone guys, I know I have the support of all of my fans, and I do not ignore you guys in the least, but I would like real life friends to spend time with, to hang out with and go to movies with, play games at my apartment.
I have never in my entire life been this alone, been this lonely. Christmas day was misery, worst christmas of my life.
My biggest enemy is simply myself, I haven't been happy in a long, long time, I've struggled with depression pretty much my entire life and it affects everything, it hinders so much and pushes many people away. Despite my many accomplishments I tend to ignore it all and just focus on all of the bad, my mind tends to have self destructive behaviors.
No more.
I've missed out on a lot of life because of it, this move to Florida was the biggest step of my life, I'm not any happier, hardly. But it's a step.
2012 cannot be any worse than 2011, that's for certain. I have recognized and identified my many shortcomings and I am taking the steps to change them.
I really think 2012 is the year my life takes a turn for the better.
Thank you all for your constant support and love, I get a lot (and I mean A LOT) of hate on youtube anymore and it will always bother me, but I absolutely adore the close group of fans that continue to support me.
I promise you, but mostly I promise myself, next Christmas, next new year I will be surrounded by friends and loved ones and I will not be this alone again.
What did you guys do for new years? I spent it here in the apartment watching mythbusters in my underwear.
The only good I can say about the year is that it made me progress as a person more than I have in the course of 10 years. I got jobs that make great income, I made the decision to move to Florida, with hardly any support from family and friends I did it all by myself, I drove across the country by myself, learned countless new things about being an independent person. I lived in a small room with fleas biting me all over for a month and went out and found an apartment by myself.
Pretty much in the course of a few months I went from living at home with my parents, not knowing how to even do my own laundry to living across the country and supporting myself alone.
Alone... that's been the real kicker. I'm so alone guys, I know I have the support of all of my fans, and I do not ignore you guys in the least, but I would like real life friends to spend time with, to hang out with and go to movies with, play games at my apartment.
I have never in my entire life been this alone, been this lonely. Christmas day was misery, worst christmas of my life.
My biggest enemy is simply myself, I haven't been happy in a long, long time, I've struggled with depression pretty much my entire life and it affects everything, it hinders so much and pushes many people away. Despite my many accomplishments I tend to ignore it all and just focus on all of the bad, my mind tends to have self destructive behaviors.
No more.
I've missed out on a lot of life because of it, this move to Florida was the biggest step of my life, I'm not any happier, hardly. But it's a step.
2012 cannot be any worse than 2011, that's for certain. I have recognized and identified my many shortcomings and I am taking the steps to change them.
I really think 2012 is the year my life takes a turn for the better.
Thank you all for your constant support and love, I get a lot (and I mean A LOT) of hate on youtube anymore and it will always bother me, but I absolutely adore the close group of fans that continue to support me.
I promise you, but mostly I promise myself, next Christmas, next new year I will be surrounded by friends and loved ones and I will not be this alone again.
What did you guys do for new years? I spent it here in the apartment watching mythbusters in my underwear.
Friday, December 30, 2011
Magfest is a no go...
My buddy who was going to go can't, and that means I'd have to pay for nearly everything, I took my car to a shop to get inspected to see if it's alright with making the trip, save some money from renting a car. I dropped my car off and walked an hour to home, when I got home I realized they had the keys to the house, so I turned right back and walked another hour back. He showed me some cracks in the belts and hoses, replacement would cost like 300, which is pretty much what renting a car would cost.
I've been pretty dead set on going to this, so excited to see all these amazing people, meet new people, finally have Harleigh moving in.
It's just too much on my wallet though, I've come to the decision it's best not to go.
I'm more than a little disappointed.
Shouldn't have made the magfest post to begin with, sorry about that.
I've been pretty dead set on going to this, so excited to see all these amazing people, meet new people, finally have Harleigh moving in.
It's just too much on my wallet though, I've come to the decision it's best not to go.
I'm more than a little disappointed.
Shouldn't have made the magfest post to begin with, sorry about that.
Thursday, December 29, 2011
MAGFEST AND TATE
So there's this convention that happens every year called Magfest, I've always wanted to go, it's a convention all about video game MUSIC, all the big named video game bands will be there. but the show stealer this year...
OBOU UEMATSU IS GOING, if you don't know who that is, he is the man that has done pretty much every Final Fantasy track WORTH listening to, man is a legend.
Other mention-able people that are going to be there is The Angry Video Game Nerd along with Egorapter.
So I've been just dying to go pretty much. I finally came up with a crazy quick plan, the convention is next Thursday. I'm going to drive to get Tate, we're then going to Magfest and then coming back home where Tate can finally move in.
I really don't want to take my car because the poor thing's been through enough so I'm going to look into renting a car, the prices are actually pretty reasonable. A buddy of mine (A friend of Jonna's that I've become friends with) is most likely going along with too, so it should be a really enjoyable experience.
Money is always an issue with crap like this, especially after dumping SOOO much into moving into this apartment. I actually got a very generous donation today which will DEF help with this trip, thank you David!
Of course I plan on recording as much as I can, should be a lot more entertaining with other people.
it takes 14 hours to get to Tates place, then 10 hours to get to Magfest, then it'll be another 13 or 14 to get back to Florida, eugh! will be sooo nice to have company this time though.
Wish us luck peeps, anyone else in that area that are going to be going??
OBOU UEMATSU IS GOING, if you don't know who that is, he is the man that has done pretty much every Final Fantasy track WORTH listening to, man is a legend.
Other mention-able people that are going to be there is The Angry Video Game Nerd along with Egorapter.
So I've been just dying to go pretty much. I finally came up with a crazy quick plan, the convention is next Thursday. I'm going to drive to get Tate, we're then going to Magfest and then coming back home where Tate can finally move in.
I really don't want to take my car because the poor thing's been through enough so I'm going to look into renting a car, the prices are actually pretty reasonable. A buddy of mine (A friend of Jonna's that I've become friends with) is most likely going along with too, so it should be a really enjoyable experience.
Money is always an issue with crap like this, especially after dumping SOOO much into moving into this apartment. I actually got a very generous donation today which will DEF help with this trip, thank you David!
Of course I plan on recording as much as I can, should be a lot more entertaining with other people.
it takes 14 hours to get to Tates place, then 10 hours to get to Magfest, then it'll be another 13 or 14 to get back to Florida, eugh! will be sooo nice to have company this time though.
Wish us luck peeps, anyone else in that area that are going to be going??
Wednesday, December 28, 2011
Tuesday, December 27, 2011
Monday, December 26, 2011
Sunday, December 25, 2011
Merry Christmas
I hope you all have a good Christmas.
Not gonna sugarcoat it, I'm completely alone on Christmas this year, I don't have anyone to spend it with. In fact the last few days have been the loneliest days of my life and it's been really hard, I really miss my loved ones.
I really should have waited until around the time Tate was ready to move, I really can't say anything all that great about being here up to this point, it's been nothing but an uphill battle mentally, though on the flip-side I'd have probably been just as bad back home.
I'm not going to ignore you guys though, back in the day when I'd get a message of someone saying I inspire them or something similar to that I'd shrug it off, not that I didn't appreciate it or anything but I'd look at it as them idolizing the Kilplix of youtube, not Austin. If they knew the real me then they wouldn't be saying it, so I'd sort of shrug off all inspirational and complimenting messages.
Now though I really take notice of such messages and appreciate them a lot more, it's good to see that I'm making whatever little differences I may be making while I'm sitting here alone in this apartment.
Truly, thank you guys. Your support and kind words help comfort this lonely heart. I promise this will be the loneliest Christmas of my life, all future ones will be better than this.
Now, what did you all get for Christmas?
Not gonna sugarcoat it, I'm completely alone on Christmas this year, I don't have anyone to spend it with. In fact the last few days have been the loneliest days of my life and it's been really hard, I really miss my loved ones.
I really should have waited until around the time Tate was ready to move, I really can't say anything all that great about being here up to this point, it's been nothing but an uphill battle mentally, though on the flip-side I'd have probably been just as bad back home.
I'm not going to ignore you guys though, back in the day when I'd get a message of someone saying I inspire them or something similar to that I'd shrug it off, not that I didn't appreciate it or anything but I'd look at it as them idolizing the Kilplix of youtube, not Austin. If they knew the real me then they wouldn't be saying it, so I'd sort of shrug off all inspirational and complimenting messages.
Now though I really take notice of such messages and appreciate them a lot more, it's good to see that I'm making whatever little differences I may be making while I'm sitting here alone in this apartment.
Truly, thank you guys. Your support and kind words help comfort this lonely heart. I promise this will be the loneliest Christmas of my life, all future ones will be better than this.
Now, what did you all get for Christmas?
Friday, December 23, 2011
Thursday, December 22, 2011
Wednesday, December 21, 2011
Monday, December 19, 2011
Random Favorite Songs #12
Just found this amazing artist DJ Okawari, I'm completely in love with his stuff. I've always been a sucker for piano + awesome beats (see Gorillaz Clint Eastwood).
Labels:
Favorite Songs
Sunday, December 18, 2011
Saturday, December 17, 2011
Friday, December 16, 2011
Thursday, December 15, 2011
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
Monday, December 12, 2011
Sunday, December 11, 2011
Kilplix's Top Freak-Outs November 2011
A new series I want to do, at the end of every month I'll do a top freak outs video, should be a good series I think
Labels:
MY VIDEOS
Saturday, December 10, 2011
Friday, December 9, 2011
Thursday, December 8, 2011
Dumb comment of the moment Dec 8 2011
I don't know why but I get these fairly often... where they ask me to gift them a game... like what the heck goes through someones head to think "O DIS GUY HAS YOOTOOB VIDEOZ SO DAT MEANZ HE'LL GIFT ME GAMEZ"
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hey kilplix i was wondering if u could gift me l4d to my steam so i could actually meet you in real life .please would u gift me the game please u could get the l4d 4 pack and send 1 to me please i am am your biggest fan ive even seen all your youtube vids. so if u could gift me this game . i will give u my info.here.
account name: CENSORED
please dont hack my emails: CENSORED
if there r any probs send a message back to me if u dont want 2 its k
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Freaking frick... some people
_________________________________________________________________________
hey kilplix i was wondering if u could gift me l4d to my steam so i could actually meet you in real life .please would u gift me the game please u could get the l4d 4 pack and send 1 to me please i am am your biggest fan ive even seen all your youtube vids. so if u could gift me this game . i will give u my info.here.
account name: CENSORED
please dont hack my emails: CENSORED
if there r any probs send a message back to me if u dont want 2 its k
____________________________________________________________________
Freaking frick... some people
Labels:
Dumb Comment of the Moment
Wednesday, December 7, 2011
Monday, December 5, 2011
Sunday, December 4, 2011
Friday, December 2, 2011
Thursday, December 1, 2011
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