I'm not going to go into detail but 2011 was the absolute worst year of my entire life bar none. It's hard to reflect upon it because of how absolutely horrid it was.
The only good I can say about the year is that it made me progress as a person more than I have in the course of 10 years. I got jobs that make great income, I made the decision to move to Florida, with hardly any support from family and friends I did it all by myself, I drove across the country by myself, learned countless new things about being an independent person. I lived in a small room with fleas biting me all over for a month and went out and found an apartment by myself.
Pretty much in the course of a few months I went from living at home with my parents, not knowing how to even do my own laundry to living across the country and supporting myself alone.
Alone... that's been the real kicker. I'm so alone guys, I know I have the support of all of my fans, and I do not ignore you guys in the least, but I would like real life friends to spend time with, to hang out with and go to movies with, play games at my apartment.
I have never in my entire life been this alone, been this lonely. Christmas day was misery, worst christmas of my life.
My biggest enemy is simply myself, I haven't been happy in a long, long time, I've struggled with depression pretty much my entire life and it affects everything, it hinders so much and pushes many people away. Despite my many accomplishments I tend to ignore it all and just focus on all of the bad, my mind tends to have self destructive behaviors.
I've missed out on a lot of life because of it, this move to Florida was the biggest step of my life, I'm not any happier, hardly. But it's a step.
2012 cannot be any worse than 2011, that's for certain. I have recognized and identified my many shortcomings and I am taking the steps to change them.
I really think 2012 is the year my life takes a turn for the better.
Thank you all for your constant support and love, I get a lot (and I mean A LOT) of hate on youtube anymore and it will always bother me, but I absolutely adore the close group of fans that continue to support me.
I promise you, but mostly I promise myself, next Christmas, next new year I will be surrounded by friends and loved ones and I will not be this alone again.
What did you guys do for new years? I spent it here in the apartment watching mythbusters in my underwear.