My dumb tweets

Friday, February 3, 2012

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Well, family went home, alone again, I enjoyed their time here but it was dampened by all my retard issues

A few days ago a member of the nerdyshow (A podcast group that Jonna is a part of and I'm becoming involved in) got hit by a car and was killed.

His name was Triforce Mike.

I never really met the guy but it saddened me a lot, death is simply never a good thing.

I learned in the next few days just how big of an impact his death was.

Hundreds of people showed up to the hospital to say goodbye, so many people that the hospital had to kick them out eventually.

After he died they did a podcast, a tribute to Triforce Mike.

People flew from all across the country, even from other countries to pay respects. The podcast can be heard here http://nerdyshow.com/2012/02/featured/triforce-mike-tribute/

A few days later they had a huge celebration at the comic shop he worked at, a celebration of his life.

Again, hundreds of people showed up, there was an open mic and countless people stood up to it and told their personal stories about him, how they were touched by him, how he changed and molded their lives as it is today, how they became closest of friends, songs were written about him.

It was moving, it was horribly moving, this man did not deserve to die, too many people were affected by it, he shouldn't have been taken.

I can't help but sit here and think, alone in my apartment. Alone.. as I've been for a very long time wondering just who would even show up to my funeral, wondering if there'd be a celebration of my life. I can't imagine there being one, for I have no real close friends anymore who would do it.

I have Tate, he is an amazing friend, he's my best friend and without him I'd surely be as good as dead at this point. But I can't and do NOT want him to be my only exclusive friend, he has many other friends too, and I want others as well.

Honestly though.. I just want my old friends back.


Yes, I know.. I have thousands of fans who enjoy watching me rage and freak out at video games. I know there's a lot of you who'd be sad if I did somehow die, I know this. And I am grateful to have that, I am grateful to have people to make laugh, to entertain.

But that's just it.. I'm an entertainer, a clown, a silly guy who over reacts.

I no longer have the closeness, the personal intimate friendships that I hold most important of all in this world. People who know my darkest secrets and greatest desires, fears and wishes, hopes and dreams. Share my latest thoughts, my day to day occurences, my triumphs and trials.

If I were to drop dead today there would be no one to show up at the hospital, there would be no one to set up a party in celebration of my life, there wouldn't be hundreds of people to be able to tell personal accounts and stories they had with me, funny moments, life changing experiences and the like.

My body would be shipped back home and my family would mourn my death. I love my family, I appreaciate my family, I know they love me.

But there's more to life than family, yes it's necessity.. But so is friendship, so is love outside of family.

And I don't have that anymore.

They all faded away from me. I love them all just as much as I ever did, and they don't feel the same way.

My heart was once the fullest a mans heart could ever be, I had my best friends in the whole world who I loved as much as family, I had the woman I wanted to spend the rest of my life with, I had thousands of fans who at the time I could do them no wrong.

And now my heart is as empty and as alone as a mans can ever be. I went from having everything to nothing.

I'm unstable, I'm explosive, I'm too easily offended, I know this.. but I thought that friendship lasts through thick and thin, I thought that no matter the problems, things work out as long as the friendship and love is there.

I have a gift and a horrible curse which I cannot relate to with anyone with, which has made me feel like an outcast, not normal: Once I meet a person, once I find out who they truly are to their core then my feelings for that person will not ever change. If they commit a crime, if they do something horrible or uncalled for, if they do something really bad... I'll be upset with them yeah, but in the long run it doesn't matter.. my feelings for them won't change. Everyone does things they regret, everyone does bad things at one point or another, every person gets consumed by emotions.

Every human being has flaws.

And I've been gifted and cursed with the ability to not ever be affected by that, to look past that and know they are who they are.

Because of this gift/curse it's led me to this.. being alone because everyone around me is always changing and moving while I remain here, rock solid and unmovable. Feelings I've learned the hard way are fleeting... No matter who it seems to be, the feelings will always go away over time.

And that's just not how it is with me, so through out my whole life I've always been left behind by people who've moved on to other things, other people, other lives while I am devastated by their abandonment, their change of feelings for me.

It's never been the other way around, I know not what it's like to have my feelings for someone to change. I have to cope and mourn and grief for years afterwards because I miss them and I love them.



The only people who know what I'm ever doing is those who watch my stream. I yearn for the days of talking with friends, with my significant other about day to day life. Her telling me "I went to the store today and this guy was acting weird and I saw a pen I really liked it had this cool thing to it."


I miss the simple things of interaction, socializing, communication. I miss being asked questions such as "How are you?" "What are you up to?" "What have you done today?" "I have to tell you about my day." "There's this show we have to watch together."

I miss having my company welcomed and wanted.

I'll shut up now, death just always makes you contemplate and reflect on crap.. And I already do that too much as it is.

37 comments:

  1. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  2. That is why you should never take love for granted. You can always go out and meet some people.

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  3. I've been sat here for half an hour trying to type out an appropriate response that might make you feel a bit better, but really all I can say is that I might just be one of thousands of fans but right now I just wanna give you a big hug, take you out for frozen yogurt and do fun stuff.

    I know what it's like to feel so alone and crave that love with every fiber of your being. People know how you feel, all over the world. You're never ever as alone as you think you are.

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  4. I'm with "Superherofae" I can't think of a response to that... It makes me sad to hear that you are suffering so :(

    I wish I could fly over to Florida and keep you company ! I've lost a dozen friends recently, all the effort I put into being a true friend to them and they repay me by ignoring me, making excuses when I do see them. This makes me resent them a bit for that but I still love them and will try to amend things.

    If you ever died the internet would know, the world shall know and you'll be remembered among the millions of people that walk this earth and all the years that follow. I swear upon it as a fan and lets say a distant friend. ;)

    Life is full of possibilities! If you use some time to make some i'm sure things will begin to look up for you! Give it a try Austin :)

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  5. You may never know who your next friend will be, where you will meet him, when you will meet, or how you will meet. He may be at the coffee shop down the street, or thousands of miles away as one of you fans, who has also considers you a friend. He may be facing the same problem as you, or he can help you out of it. Go and meet him. He is waiting, and you can not afford to any longer.

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  6. Austin, all I can say is that I'd be more than willing to drive out to Florida and just - hang with you, dude. I'm in Mississippi, but just know that your videos have been the spine of what has kept me relaxed, calm, and at ease for the past several years. I've been saying "Keep the laughs coming, Austin. Rock on." since the beginning. And I'm forever grateful for that.

    You've been my most cherished time waster. Which is why I made those Kilplix screams a LOT videos way back when. You're somebody I've never met, but felt obliged to stick with. And for that, if you ever... EVER need somebody to chill with, then I'd be more than willing to drive to Florida even if it meant having a simple conversation with you. I'm nobody to you, but I would do anything to shake your hand.

    Long story short, I'm Mark. I'm 27 years old, and I'm just a concerned fan of yours.

    You need company, I'm there for you, man. And I mean that from the bottom of my heart, anytime.
    markjohnston.1984@yahoo.com

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  7. I think your fans understand your pain more then you think. I have been watching you're vids since.... I dont know when! I think you still have alot of friends it's just that they haven't been..... awakened (I dont know if thats the best way to phrase it). Also I DO understand how you feel, When my Mom and Dad got divorced Awhile back I couldnt believe it, my mom had given me the same answer to the same question over and over again. when I asked if they were going to get divorced she said "no" so the day I got into the car and she told me the news; I was more angry then sad, I felt lied too, betrayed, and I felt alone. I was caught in between my family, it was nothing but yelling and arguing and I could never get them to give me a straight answer. A couple months later my Grandfather who had been my rolemodel and one of the nicest and most generous people on this planet died. And I didnt even get to say goodbye to him. I felt utterly hopeless. My life had crumbled and I felt as if my will had been broken. But then I managed to turn my attitude around thanks to my dad and my friends online. Plus support from some friends overseas. We had so many hours spent just playing together and enjoying the games. Sadly those fun times filled with carfree-ness are gone. Everyone is getting older including myself and I barely get to play with my friends at all, but when I get the chance I ALWAYS take it! reliving the good times when we didnt have to worry about college credit and the ACT test. I know this might not mean much coming from a Junior in highschool, but I think that as long as you keep a positive attitude and relish every second you spend with your friends you will and I mean YOU WILL come out more happy then before. I can't say how or when it will happen but when the day comes for you to get "yourself" back you'll know it. I hope you can relate to my story and understand that I feel you're pain in more ways then one and I hate to see people suffer as I did once. That little excerpt from my life is something very personal, but I feel as though you really are my friend Austin. You're videos help me get my spirits up no matter what is bothering me. You are a great person and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Also if you need a moderator for you're stream I'd be happy to help. My username is "Oozura" and I can personally promise that I will follow you're stream rules, just give me the criteria on what would be described as "bannable content" and I will do my job.

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  8. Alright, I feel like I've said this like a million times before but I'm going to say it again. Let. Us. Hang out with you. There are thousands of people that if you gave them a time and a place we would come by and meet you in person. There are probably tons of people just in your area that would love to be your friend. Give us a chance, Austin.

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  9. Let us meet you! I live relatively nearby (like an hour drive) and would gladly take you to dinner or to the movies or wherever. You just need to open up to the people who want into your life.

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  10. I love you. Haha! But really, Austin, I think that with the amount of fans you have there are plenty who would love to have some sort of interaction with you. There are many youtubers who have get togethers/meet and greets with fans at conventions and various other places, and I think that through doing things like that you could meet someone who could become a great friend! I mean, think of friendship... Fandom and friendship are pretty close! To be someone's friend, you kind of have to be interested in their lives and what they do, and who better to fill that part of friendship than a fan of yours! You have gotten so much better at interacting with your fans compared to when you first started, and I think you're on the right track to having a community of fans rather than just an unorganized mass of fans. You might think that you're just an entertaining clown to us, but we have stuck with you because you have become a part of our daily lives. I, myself, get on the internet and check to see if you've posted any new videos every day. You mean more to us than you think, and it seems weird to say that since you just started out posting videos on youtube. But we do love you, man! We will continue to do so, and stick with you no matter what! Keep doing what you're doing, and remember that friends and lovers come and go. Nothing you can do about it but move forward. No sense being around those who won't love you for who you are and try to work with you and help with hard times.

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  11. R.I.P Triforce Mike. Death is both cruel and kind. Kilplix man, you wouldn't be alone we all love you! I've stuck with you for a long time i don't see you as a clown or anything i see you as a normal person who likes to game like me(though im nowhere near as good as you are lol) hard times can come and go especially in today's society we all have to live with it though for some it can seem unbearable there is always tomorrow and things can change in an instant just hold in there man.

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  12. Austin dude, you can share some of your stuff with your fans, and maybe from the comments we leave in return you could slowly start to build friends that way. Not saying talk to everyone just when you find someone who maybe says something that is truly meaningful to you then maybe find a way to talk to them more. and it might help. Just remember regardless of everything going on all your fans care deeply for you. and there would be so many people who would truly mourn. to be honest your the main person who inspired me to try and make youtube videos. They are not going great yet but the fact that you got big just having fun, makes me believe it can happen to me too. just good luck with everything and remember we are all here for you.

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  13. Dude, we all care for you as our friend. I've many of those same thoughts and thankfully no one around has died to make me have similar feelings. It sucks seeing everyone else having their life together while you and I are still stuck at the start. I know this is going to sound cliche as hell but we got to keep trying. We either do something about it or we sit and rot. I don't want to sit and rot. Do you?

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  14. I cannot write an epic words but i will type : HOW TO DON'T CRY?

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  15. Austin, there are countless people around the world who feel like you do right now, myself included. I am not saying this to degrade the situation but rather to promote the fact that you aren't alone. I've recently lost most, if not all, of my friends due to them shedding their outer fakeness and showing me what their true core holds which included being intolerable, volatile, and extremely negative among other things. Though I am saddened by these experiences and losses I know that friends and lovers come and go through our lives in order for us to learn something from them. You've had fond memories in the past, yes, and those things are good to remember but when someone walks out of your life it is usually for the better though you don't feel like it. And why would you? It hurts. All of your fans adore you and would jump at the chance to be your friend in 'real life.'Matter of fact, I'll be in Florida during spring break and would love to take you out to dinner and a movie if you were so inclined.

    I am not saying be open to everyone's friendship, gods no! (Think: 'Dumb comment of the moment') However, I do think you should reach out a bit and talk to these people who you have so much in common with. Please don't ever say that people only like you because you are "a clown, a silly guy who over reacts" because that is simply not true. From your streams I gather that you are a genuinely great guy who is very sweet and just happens to be fun to be around. You are an entertainer, yes, but that isn't everything.

    Anyway, I'm Stefi, I like DragonBall Z, I'm 23, a college student (Law Enforcement) and if you ever need to randomly vent or want a legit pen-pal you can contact me through here and ask for my e-mail. I would love to hear all about your day.

    ... Just coming from another concerned person.

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    1. Message me on youtube and give me your AIM/MSN/whatever

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  16. I too think that it would be pretty good idea to meet some of your fans. I can't come, I live in Finland and flying there would be too expensive, and my parents wouldn't let me...

    But Kilplix, if I hadn't found your videos in youtube, I wouldn't have started to make my own videos. I know that most of them are copying you, but I have started making some fan trailers and anime music videos. I'm planning to go at Desucon's amv-competition this summer. It's not really a big one, but still it's an competition. This wouldn't have happened without you.

    And about your old friends... Say sorry to them. Say that you are really sorry, and you miss them more than you miss anything in this world.

    My name is Jani Turpeinen, I live in Finland and I love music, only genres I hate is rap, hiphop, pop and country.

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  17. Austin tons of your fans would love to be your friends heck i want to be honestly just the way you are not in your videos but in your posts like this one you are a great guy someone i would love to meet someday. Honestly i would be searching for whatever hospital you would be in you aren't alone Austin.....

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  18. Shit man... I know how to feels when friends change and go on separate roads than ourselves cannot follow. Through my years in school, I never had one person to open up to, no one I could trust, no one that could tolerate me or me tolerate them. I had no one as a kid, as a teenager.

    Right now, my only friends are those I can only talk to online. And honestly, I see you as a source, out of many, for entertainment and laughter, but also just as any human being who does have flaws.

    I know exactly how you feel... you have a gift yet feel cursed. I have a gift too... but it made me a kill joy during school. No girl had an interest in me. Was never asked out to any dances or dates. Didn't had anyone to relate, or that could understand me.

    You've done something that I have yet to done, moving on. You moved to another state after your break up event. You, yourself, were able to pick yourself back up and not let negative things keep you down. You got courage man. You may not know it, but you could also be inspiration for great things.

    I miss my old friends too, I miss the good times I had with them, before some of them changed and moved on, pretending I was never with them. I ended up being alone throughout most of my high school years. No one to turn to, no one to relate, no one I found special to be with. It was impossible for me to make friends at that time.

    Name's Chris. You're not alone in this cruel world. I'm glad I finally found trustworthy friends who can stand me today, and relate to me or able to listen and understand with an open mind. I can relate to you too in some degree.

    You're never alone man.

    Glad you opened up to your fans about this, shows you're not ashamed of being sad/depressed/scared. I see that as a step of being a man. Even if you stop making videos (god forbid), there will be some fans that'll still stick around, just to make sure you're doing alright.

    Try to think of positive things... make a list of what you're good at and whatever negative things you're not. For starters, you're not dead, that's a good thing. You make people laugh, that's a good thing, and a purpose to live as well. You enjoy and appreciate your fans. There's many other things you can think of to put down.

    Don't be afraid to open up... otherwise the depression will just eat you away. I know... been in depression from fall 2004 to 2009 graduation. I'm still recovering to this day, but I believe I've overcome most of it myself, along with some help with friends. Also placed closure behind me.

    We can only do so much to lift your spirit up, you have to do the rest yourself.

    Take care Austin (aka Kilplix).

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  19. I understand that you need real friends and company in life and I'm sure that no matter how many fans you have, it'll never be the same as having real-life friends who can be there for you. I can also understand how death can affect so many people, even if you weren't close to the deceased.

    But all I can say is that to us fans, you are so much more than just a clown who over-reacts at video games. We'll always be here for you, no matter what, and you know that if there ever was something we could do for you, as fans, we would do our best to help you.

    You are a brilliant guy Austin. Take the bad times with the good times, and I'm sure that everything will work out in the end.

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  20. I used to be like this at one point. I used to complain about how I had no true friends, or people to hang out with etc. And what can I do. Then people simply suggested to me. Go and make some friends.

    You enjoy bodybuilding, so go to the gym and meet some friends there, they will have some similar interests to you, or join a club or activity you enjoy, and get involved with everyone there. I did the same, and now I have a lot more friends, who share my interests.

    Everyone else is commenting on how sorry they feel for you, which is nice, however you need some advice on getting out of the house and meeting some people, rather than posting depressed comments on here.

    You can either go out and change things, or start taking anti-depressants. Hope you make the right choice.

    Best of luck.

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  21. Believe it or not, my current situation in life is scary enough similar to yours. Friends abandoning me, recently lost love, no (solid) job or education. However there's one thing that separates us immensely: Thousands of viewers and followers every day who's life's you're filling hours of entertainment and laughter, who's life's you're enriching and filling with happiness. If I had that, I'd be content and it'd be a real motivator. It just shows how much more potential you have, not just in creativity but also socially.

    I too suffer from an extremely short temper and sometimes bossy attitude. But I'm lucky to have a few friends left that sees past those problems and accepts me for who I am. I have no doubt you won't be having a hard time finding such friends.

    Never give up, we'll be here if you need us

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  22. Austin, I've been watching your videos for years, and it really saddens me to have you thinking this way. We've all been there at one point or another, feeling alone and unwanted, that there's nothing we can do to ever change things. But that's not true; there's ALWAYS something we can do.

    The only thing holding us back is ourselves.

    If you feel like you need someone to talk to, try and get in touch with a counsellor. If you feel like your life isn't going anywhere, change it. Your fans, here, like myself, are not nearby. There is NO substitute for real face-to-face connections, we might as well be lines on a screen.

    Find some school course that interests you, at the local college or something. Take out a student loan, something to help you get a life going. Remember in high school how you always had friends to hang out with, even if just a few? You can get that back by going back to school, and you can keep those connections afterwards.

    You're stuck in a rut right now, and I say this from experience, you have to pull yourself out of it. These feelings, this sadness, these worries, they're not helping you. They're just dragging you deeper and deeper into a downward spiral that will consume you.

    DON'T LET IT! I say this in a positive way, not as an insult: GET A LIFE!

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  23. I don't know if you are going to read this but I only have to say is that you are not alone. Many people have the same fear that one day we will be alone and be forgotten. But you shouldn't fear about this, you have many friends and you have people who will remember you always. They will always stick by your side because we are all your friends. Sometimes I would think that you were my only friend when no one else was. So you don't need to fret nothing, live your life being happy knowing you have friends that will always remember you.

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  24. when is tate getting to florida. Once hes there you wont be that alone anymore

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  25. Hi Austin,

    I didn't really want to post this as a public comment, but I couldn't find a Send Message thing, but I wanted to talk to you and all those who replied.

    When I was ten, I had my best buddy turn around and become a spoilt, spiteful girl who thought I was dumb as I was home educated. At 11-12, I had my next best friend turn round and say the most spiteful things imaginable to me. Then from ages 13-16, I either had people teasing me, bullying me and ignoring me. I went to clubs, clubs that are supposed to provide friends and social stuff for home ed kids. They ignored me. I could disappear for hours and no one would know or care. They were playing basketball once and I got the ball, they stopped to talk. I walked away with the ball. They noticed the ball was missing. But no one noticed I had gone. I stood up for an autistic girl and got mentality abused for it by the bully and her friends. I spent my whole childhood alone or being backstabbed by people I thought I could trust. Loneliness is like nothing else on Earth. It eats away at you, you feel like your lungs are being weighed down by gold. You feel like you're dying, and one day you wake up...numb. It's like you are dead. I went to college and found more bullying there, all the while protecting my disabled brother. But everyone knew what was wrong with him, and no one could put a reason to why I was different. I was - am - my own person. I know who I am, I know what I want from life and I know how to work and fight for what I believe in. I'm happy now, but still alone. Some days all I want is some friends, some social life. But I know I won't get it, because I'm too afraid of getting hurt again and again. I know what it's like to want to love, and have no one to give it to. I know what it's like to want to fly, and have your wings broken.
    Austin, I could say do this and do that, try this or try that. But that won't make a difference I know. All I can say is don't curl up in self-pity. I've been there too many times and it can lead you down a dark path. But ask yourself why you are alone. Ask yourself what you want from life and then decide how you are going to get it. It's not easy but you need to rely on yourself. NO ONE is going to help you unless you get up and help yourself. We don't live in a world that holds out a hand to haul you up. You got to fight for the life you desire and along the way, if you are lucky, you'll find some allies to fight with you. I was never that lucky. I tried, but everyone kept changing and deciding they didn't want that little bookish girl with blue eyes and brown hair. But I'm happy. I'm a better person because of it. And we can all say 'we are your fans and we'll always be here', but I know that's not what you want. You want flesh and blood friends. Your old friends before they changed. Don't mourn the past Austin, build the future. You have all the strength you need right in that fleshy organ astride your lungs, you just need to seize it and keep on going. Death does put things in perspective, but it can also give you the determination you need to achieve. At the end of the day, we all love your rants and videos, but what we love the most is that we see ourselves in you. We can relate to you and smile with you. That is your real gift, to touch people and make them smile. You will enter the lives of other's briefly in real life, friends move on that is just the way the world works, but if you can get a few smiles along the way, well it's certainly worth the ride.

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  26. I really don't know what to say that hasn't already been said, but you are a strong person. It shows with everything that you do, you go through SO much more than anyone should have to take. You are an internet celeb, and you have to deal and be in the lives of SO many people. That's tough, having adoring fans that love you but don't really know you. ><

    I'm glad at least when you write your journals that you at least write them down and try to feel better. Cause keeping it in is never good. Just know that people do care for you and if anything did happen to you we would be there. <3 We were their for your move, we will always be here. :)

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  27. Hey bro, I know that feel. And if you ever need to talk, I'm all ears. There's plenty here that truly willing to be there for you through thick and thin. Heck, I'd like to be your friend, though you've probably heard that from a lot of your fans.

    Man, you're a strong bro. Everybody has flaws, and we can't let those flaws get us down. When you write a blog like this to vent, hopefully it helps you get something off your chest. I've done so plenty of times. It's never healthy to keep things in and bottled up. I did, and this overly-optimistic person nearly stepped through the blackened gates of no return when the bottle burst a couple of months ago.

    I don't know if you'll even see this, but I want you to know that we all will be there if something were to happen. No need to worry about that. We're there for you. :)

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  28. Network Austin, network. Reconnect with old friends from school, reminiscing with old friends or even acquaintances is a great way to start even if it's just a "Hey, how've you been?". Repairing broken bridges or at least laying out the groundwork is another great step to take, you wouldn't believe how many people I thought used to hate me that didn't at all. Sometimes all it takes is an apology, with a respectful demeanor, to get the ball rolling again, albeit up a steep slop at times.

    You could try also reaching out to other Youtubers as well. I think it could be a healthy experience for you and your fans if you considered dabbling in cross-over videos with other content creators, sort of like how when Tate started up that Kilplix's comments series. I've seen a lot of lasting & strong friendships start with simple collaborations.

    Another idea I'd like to throw out, is you could consider starting a Vlog and talk to your fans directly. Sometimes it can be harder communicating feelings & ideas through text than in directly speaking, even if just to a camera.

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  29. I, too, find myself in a similar situation, though I don't have the fans like you.

    I just graduated college, my one friend (my best friend) is my boyfriend of almost 5 years, wants to move north so he can stay with all his friends. I have no concern about where I move to because I have no one here anymore, my family lives halfway across the country and I'm entering the film industry (which is almost a guarantee to go to Cali or Florida). No matter where I get a job, I won't know anyone and my family will be far away. The only thing keeping me sane is knowing that my boyfriend will be there...but even that isn't a certainty. I have never lived on my own and it scares me to even have a chance for that to happen.

    I admire you for being able to live on your own, to still make people laugh and push through. If I ever end up alone, I would end up in the corner of a tiny apartment, bawling until I had to go to work the next day. I hope that never happens..

    Just do your best to put a smile on and if you really want more friends, try going to a festival or something and strike up a convo with a cute girl. Afterall, they may recognize your voice and you wouldn't have to tell her that you're a youtube 'character'

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  30. As many have said here, we are here for you, you may not of met us on the street, or even know who we are, but as you have said that friendship should go beyond the thick and thin, it should too go beyond a face, because what you really base a friendship on is how the person is, not on what they look like, I personally have people on the other side of the world that I talk with daily, share random parts of my life with, but I've never met in person. In today's age of digital media and globalization it may seem like standard channels are closing, and that is partly true, and it is rather mournful, it's rare to get a group of people together for a coffee or a beer and just talk about things, but at the same time, you have had doors opened to the world, and while it's true that many people who want to be your friend on steam or youtube or any outlet are simply chasing fame, some of us are looking beyond that, we watch the work you do and think that you are just a genuine guy, someone with a great sense of humor, and seem like a the kind of person they could really connect with, be it male or female, the kind of guy you can open up to, have a hard and philosophical chat with, discuss life and it's workings.

    Personally, you seem like the kind of person that I may fight with, I may yell at, but then at the end of the day, I'd buy you a beer, and would have a laugh with.

    Just don't forget Austin, you have people out here in the mystical world of the internet who actually care

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  31. As many have said before, you are never alone, Austin. We are here for you. Don't ever think that we just see you as "an entertainer, a clown, a guy who over reacts." A lot of us here, including me, see you as a normal person, a wonderful person with a great sense of humor and character.

    In fact, you were the one that inspired me to make my own Youtube videos.

    I too have lost many friends over the years, and it saddens me a lot. But in life, friends come and go; some stay, some leave; sometimes it's not meant to be. But as you go through life, you'll make new friends, and who knows, maybe your old friends will come back.

    I may be young, but that doesn't mean I'm not a good listener. If you ever need to chat, or talk to someone about your day, then you can message me through here for my e-mail.

    And don't forget, Austin, you're not alone in this.

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  32. Austin, I'd move out there and in with you and Tate in a heartbeat. Well, it would take a little time to get my things together, but I would be there, and I could get Tate there, too. Don't ever feel alone. Whenever I see you online, I ask how you are and what you're up to. I am generally interested in you. I might just be a fan in your eyes, but, to me, you're much more than just an entertainer. You're an amazing man who deserves the world. And, one day, you will achieve it.

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  33. Friends come and go, the same applied to me when I moved from my home country to a foreing country. I didn't know anyone, no-one knew me and I was alone. My cousin was the only one who lived the closest to me and was my only friend. So yeah, I know how it feels like to leave your friends,relatives and family. It's hard, but I got over it eventually and now I have and entire army of friends (More like a little group) and i keep connection to my old friends and I visit them once a year.
    You will get over it, just like I did.

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  34. http://addicted2success.com/

    This site might help.
    Beyond personal, face-to-face interactions with others, I don't see how I can personally help you. Were I you, I would attempt to patch up whatever happened that may have dissolved your friendships; unfortunately, I've no idea what happened in the first place, so I can't tell you whether that advice is good or not. Personally, I'd like to hear why those friendships dissolved, just to see if they're salvageable. Of course, this is up to your discretion.
    I wish I could do more, Austin. Beyond that, find a local sport group you like, do things you TRULY want to do, don't put off what you think you might fail at.
    Always ask yourself:
    "If not now, when?!"
    http://www.marcandangel.com/2009/07/13/50-questions-that-will-free-your-mind/
    Ask yourself these questions, and tell yourself you, and only you, have the ability to be happy. So, choose to get out there, start talking with random people (what have you got to lose?) and you will find friends. I promise you. Just keep trying.

    Also, I feel this song is appropriate.
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z44vXO-If70

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